paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When did angry sex become our thing?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
