Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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