it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
