Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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