Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
