dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
