I want to stick my p in your. b.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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