if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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