I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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