There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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