The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
