I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
