hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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