he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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