yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
