I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
