No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
