my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
