just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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