i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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