my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
