I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
