I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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