the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
