I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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