there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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