Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
