This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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