I cannot find my penis.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
