Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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