I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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