WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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