Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was CRYING into my vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
