you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
