An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize