i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
