drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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