oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
