just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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