I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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