im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
