planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
