I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
