if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
