woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
