wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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