NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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