ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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