how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
