Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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