DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
