oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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