I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
