i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
